Jealousy is a hard master to please and the nurturing ground for all suspicions. If you are being accused of cheating when you are not, you are just going to deal with it wisely otherwise it will end your relationship.
Jealousy is a living animal. It lives and breathes. It talks, it eats, and it grows; gets old but never dies. The more someone talks to it, the more it has to say. The more it’s fed, the stronger it becomes. Cheating is selfish, so is jealousy…but if you’re wrongly accused it is even more selfish.
Cheating draws a thick grey line in a relationship. It is always subject to someone’s perception and interpretation. What could be an innocent banter with an old friend to you could be cheating to your partner.
This means that we reached the point where you have to decide what to do when you are being accused of cheating when you are really not.
1. Clarify to yourself what cheating really means.
It doesn’t matter what we interpret as infidelity; it doesn’t matter what you think, what your friends think, what the Priest thinks, what your neighbor and their dog thinks…the only opinion that matters is what your partner believes; period!!!
If they believe messaging your ex for any reason is cheating, then, it’s cheating. If it’s important to talk to them for some reason say, a child, then make sure your current partner is present and involved in the conversation.
It’s important to be fair and lead by showing example. If someone sets a condition about not allowing message/chats with exes, or goes on an overnight trip with their ‘hot’ boss, or talk to the flirty neighbor alone, then it applies to both parties. Unfairness creates cracks in the relationship just as much as mistrust.
2. Don’t play mind game
Reasoning with irrationality is a waste of time. It will only make you look defensive, and in their eyes, it means you have something to hide.
Even if you’re the best trial lawyer in the state with an ironclad alibi, you’re not going to win against an imagined ghost. It can take any shape and form, and it can say or do anything. Jealousy over something that doesn’t exist doesn’t make sense, but it does happen and can only be beaten by the trust.
Avoid saying and doing things that would plant the seeds of doubt. I understand that the side making unjustifiable accusations are also building cracks in the relationship, but the other party will just have to endure it for as long as they can and as long as it can last.
If you love a person, you are just going to have to adjust for them, and if they love you, they will eventually come to trust you. This will go on for as long as it may take or at least until one party blows up from the relationship and calls it off if it becomes so suffocating, toxic and unbearable.
Even if you haven’t cheated in the past, it’s difficult to convince someone who has trust issues. If the source of mistrust has a basis, then you are going to have to understand and be more considerate.
Regardless of past events, if you value the relationship, and as long as you do, you’re going to have to live with it. There is no time limit, no standard or average statistic, it’s as long as you value your relationship and the person.
3. Be calm and transparent
One way to build trust is ‘don’t fight it’. The more you argue, the more you feed the ‘beast’. Just be transparent, provide proof as it happens. It will be annoying at first. Actually, it will be annoying the entire time, but the pillar of trust is built over time and strong foundations…one brick at a time.
So let them have their way, take them on ghost hunts. The longer this goes on, the more it will break their pride and it will eventually break down. It’s a battle of wills, but it’s also a battle of love. Either the distrustful partner changes or the effort partner changes, someday, something’s going to give in.
Figure out a calm way of getting your point across. You are not cheating; you are letting them have their way to prove it. You love and care about them and your relationship together. But someday, you are going to put your foot down and that will be the end of it.
Do not say it bluntly. If you are confrontational with an irrational person they will interpret that as a sign of guilt and mode of intimidation. Drop the subject the moment they become agitated. If you truly know the person, you should be able to figure out a way to get your point across before it’s too late.
Once you have said your piece, do not bring it up again. If it doesn’t sink in the first time, it never will, and you are in a toxic relationship…take note!!!
We don’t recommend staying in those. It’s always hard dealing with a jealous and irrational person.
It could be ego and selfishness that drives them to act that way. It is also possible that you created this ‘monster’ because of your past infidelities. If that is the case, then you’re just reaping what you have sown.
But if your partner is acting like that because of her own past, and you’re being accused of cheating when you are not, consider counseling. It’s difficult to go through it alone, and if both of you do care about your relationship, then it shouldn’t be a problem.
This is what you should do when you are being accused of cheating when you are not.