Why are you giving up so quickly? Why after years of being together, you feel like you’re not meant to be together? Why do you want to end the relationship? Are the conflicts in your relationship so bad, that you want to just throw in the towel? Conflicts don’t end relationships, people do.
Kinds of conflicts found in relationships
Conflict can be classified into two: Healthy Conflict and Unhealthy Conflict.
Healthy conflicts are those resulting from teasing tug of words, healthy arguments, escalations from mutual gossips, etc and all end in happy resolutions and most often playing it down. Healthy conflict make couples understand each other better, manage their temperaments better, express themselves better and grow closer and more intimate. Most disagreement arising from this kind of conflict does not survive the night to the following day. It usually dies there in the bed or even before the bedtime.
Conversely, unhealthy conflict is directly opposite the latter. This is the type that usually leads to quarrels or even fight. Most separation and divorce cases I have handles in the past and even currently all had common origin from shear disrespect, utter disobedience and deviance, unhealthy heated arguments garnished with some untamed utterances and misguided temperamental overreactions that usually follow it up. Any relationship that begins to harbor and babysit unhealthy conflicts is doomed to crash, irrespective of its tenure, stories and experiences or journey so far. It does to a relationship what heat does to a metal. Metal is usually tough, strong and hard at normal room temperature but when you begin to add more heat and increase the temperature, it will gradually begin to go wear and will at a point eventually begin to melt. This is typically synonymous to any relationship; no matter how strong and intimate, unhealthy conflicts will always spell doom if not checked and nipped at the bud.
Conflict has both positive and negative impact in a relationship
Every relationship has conflicts. They can’t be avoided, and they can’t be denied. They are among the natural ingredients with which relationships are garnished and refined. They are healthy for the relationship, and they contribute to the growth of the relationship. Although conflicts are very difficult to avoid they are not impossible to manage. Don’t allow conflicts to ruin your relationship; instead, use them as an opportunity to grow, to learn new things about your mate, to learn new ways to solve problems, to identify issues that are impacting the relationship, and as an opportunity to enhance your communication skills
Conflicts determine the strength of your relationship
Conflicts can strengthen your relationship, make you want to end it, or bring you and your mate closer or draw you apart. Whether or not the relationship survives is up to you and your mate. How you and your mate manage the conflicts in your relationship will determine the success and longevity of your relationship. One of things I’m sure of, is that couples who learn and choose to manage conflicts in a healthy way have a better chance of having a lasting relationship, and according to John Gottman, “to make a relationship last, couples must learn to manage conflict.” Any relationship that has every other qualities in place but has no solid structures in place for conflict resolution and management is just synonymous to a balloon on top of a fast flowing river and which can take any direction at any point in time.
It’s important to develop Godly, healthy, and friendly ways of managing conflict; however, doing so takes time, practice, work, and the willingness to work together to increase the likelihood of the relationship lasting. It’s inevitable to avoid conflict in your relationship, but one thing I’ve realized, is that when you are accustomed to dealing with conflict, by screaming, yelling, throwing things, ignoring, being sarcastic, or stonewalling, which is refusing to communicate or express emotions, this is how you will respond to your mate when conflicts arise in your relationship.