Romantic relationships are made by two persons who believe in each other and have strong feelings for love and interdependence. Ideal romantic relation is, therefore made by two “imperfect” adults who believe strongly in each other and working together tirelessly to make a perfect union. Since ever creation man in made and known to be very imperfect and faulty in all his ways, non in exception.
Recall that relationships are made by two persons of different characters, different background, different upbringing, different personality and different patterns of perception. This is the more reasons we should expect rancor in every relationship; except for the very rare cases where Grace and maturity is overflowing. Where you could see couple living in a state of extraordinary harmony; the kind of peace and understanding that you could be tempted to think some things are magical.
My years of experience in relationship counseling and rehabilitation have made me understand and put together four major factors leading to most rancor and misgivings that cripples several relationships. They’re as follows:
- Poor speaking and listening habits
- High temperament and hyper-reactions
- Over suspiciousness
- Third party interference
Poor Speaking and Listening Habit:
This has always been pointed out to be in the mainstream of most uprisings in any relationship. You will always hear the man saying “she doesn’t know how to talk”, “she talks to me anyhow”, “she is rude with speech”, and so on. Couples who don’t know how to gird and guide their utterances on each other are bound to have endless misunderstandings and quarrels.
Good listening habit also helps couples to have more responsible, reasonable and meaningful discussions and in the case of married couples, this is the point the children begin to learn and unconsciously absorb how to live in their own relationships and families. Also, misguided harsh utterances and unhealthy arguments are keen also in breaking the bond holding relationships especially when it becomes very frequent. Always have in mind that people who made such statements might really forgot as soon as possible but the victim will have it stuck to mind as long as he/she can always remember more especially if such repeats.
The more couples learn to be diligent, meek, disciplined and respectful in talking to each other, the more they’re ready and bound to make healthier relationship bond.
High Temperament and Hyper-reactions:
This is where men are majorly faulted. We can really be that temperamental, impatient and hyper reactive most at times. Most men find it extremely difficult to swallow certain statements and utterances of their women and always meet it up with commensurate harsh reactions. That a man beats a woman is also a direct offspring of this singular factor. Men need to know and understand that woman is a weaker vessel and dwells solely in the present. Being hyper reactive is never a suitable solution at all times. This is also what scares children away from their father. Men really need to discipline and tame their temperaments and work on their mode of reacting to issues no matter how ugly and unbearable.
Suspicion is a simple indication that the trust you have on someone is being questioned and depreciating. When trust and confidence goes away, suspicion becomes the order of the day. It kills more when it is baseless and immaterial and born out of mere jealousy; a situation where the person being suspected is innocent. It defeats the mind and kills the spirit. Also abound are the cases of spouses that have recorded a case or cases of infidelity, thereby having a prolonged trust issue. Real love trusts and never doubts. It may be hard but constant practice and positive affirmation would suffice to a great extent.
Third Party Interference:
Third party is a chronic cankerworm in any relationship. A couple might be living peacefully together, enduring and tolerating all the ills of one another and maintaining good interdependence until one third party drops a careless statement. Then you will certainly see a very small embers been fanned into a blazing inferno.
Note: A third party could be your mother, father, siblings, friends, enemies, co-workers, vendor, pastor/preacher, the wrong online platform/internet community etc.
Always try to abstain from discussing critical and sensitive issues of your relationships with the wrong people. This is the point where couples would demonstrate their maturity. When you are able to silence and shun any careless statement capable of creating a fracture in your relationship from anybody whosoever, then you can boldly beat your chest and say you are mature to have and handle a home. But in a case where you keep running from one person to another complaining and seeking opinion, you are just gradually connecting the invisible conduits through which your family’s peace, happiness and stability would be siphoned regularly.
The only three persons that are permitted to arbitrate in your family or relationship issues are: The Two of You, God and any other person you people have agreed on to be a counselor E.g.: (wedding sponsor) and who must be a neutral body and known to have kept a good and sound relationship/marriage.
Note also that the internet is the most dangerous asset destroying most relationships and families today, yet it has its own advantages. Beware and very weary of the kinds of blogs, sites, and fora you take relationship counsel from. Some persons who are known to have failed in their own relationships have taken to the online community to deceive and destroy innocent and growing minds. They will always tell you that “all men/women are same” and all that. Beware and don’t fall their victim.