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Making a Relationship Work. #Diet 3 – Managing Anger and Temperament.


In the course of the preparatory strategy for making any love adventure, one should first bear in mind that so-long relationships are mostly made up of two mutually indebted opposite sex from different backgrounds and different patterns of parental and family upbringing, misunderstanding is most, at times, invariably imminent and the consequences of it which is anger also inevitable. Ideas on making a relationship work should therefore revolve round and center mostly on the individuals developing intimate characteristics and self discipline on managing their anger and temperament and most especially unguarded utterances that proceed therefore.  Despite pride, lack of attention, carefree attitude, poor communication amongst others, uncontrolled anger and poorly managed temperament is another major plague challenging most relationships.

Anger is a very powerful emotion that can stem from feelings of frustration, hurt, annoyance, or disappointment. It is a normal human emotion that can range from slight irritation to strong rage. It can also be said to be a natural response to feeling attacked, deceived, frustrated or treated unfairly. Everyone gets angry sometimes – it’s part of being human. It is however not always a ‘bad’ emotion; in fact it can sometimes be useful in various instances like: feeling angry about something can help us identify problems or things that are hurting us, motivate us to create change, help us defend ourselves in dangerous situations by giving us a burst of energy, etc.  Anger becomes a bad emotional attribute when it begins to flow with negative emotional vibes, thereby becoming destructive and harmful to both yourself and people or things around you. At that point you have completely lost it and that connection point between your subconscious and conscious mind cuts and you completely lost grip of your rational consciousness.

Causes of Anger and bad Temperament.

Research and findings have shown that over 80% of cases of anger traits and temperamental characteristics demonstrated by individuals especially while in relationships, marriage and or family are direct copy of parental attitude or replica of their family background or mode of upbringing; hence you can easily see people pointing out that: ‘this boy exhibits his father’s kind of anger’ or ‘this lady is a true replica of her mother’s reaction when hurt’. How you behave when you’re angry depends on how well you’re able to identify and cope with your feelings, and how you’ve learned to express them. Relatively lower cases could be traced to peer influence. However, not everyone expresses anger in the same way. For example, some unhelpful ways you may have learned to express anger include:

  • Outward aggression and violence– This is the violent and physically destructive kind of way of expression of anger such as shouting, swearing, slamming doors, hitting or throwing things and being physically violent or verbally abusive and threatening towards others and is more peculiar with extroverts.
  • Inward aggression– This kind is more peculiar with introverts. Here you could see yourself telling yourself that you hate yourself, denying yourself your basic needs (like food, or things that might make you happy), cutting yourself off from the world and inflicting self-pain, etc.

Non-violent or passive aggression– such as ignoring people or refusing to speak to them, refusing to do tasks, or deliberately doing things poorly, late or at the least possible seconds, and being sarcastic or sauce while not saying anything explicitly aggressive or angry.

If you find yourself expressing your anger through outward aggression and violence, it can be extremely frightening and damaging for people around you – especially children and can also have serious consequences. It could cause you your job or get you into trouble with the strange people and the authority. In this case it’s very important to seek comfort in others.  Meanwhile, if you’re never outwardly violent or aggressive towards others, and never even raise your voice, you might still recognize some of these angry behaviors and feel that they’re problems for you. It, however, has its characteristic side effects.

 Consequences of anger and Temperament on mental and physical health.

Anger isn’t a mental health problem – it’s a normal part of life especially when it is still seen to be under good control by the individual concerned. However anger can contribute to mental health problems, and make existing problems worse. For example, if you often struggle to manage feelings of anger it can be highly strength-consuming, and also of high negatively impulse. This can lead to you experiencing problems such as depression, high blood pressure, Cardiac arrest, anxiety, anorexia (loss of appetite), low self esteem, willful destruction of property, maintenance of unstable and unhappy relationships, marriage and family, break-up and divorce, killing/maiming, battering etc. It can also amount to paranoia, sleeping difficulty, addiction and misuse of illicit drugs and such other substances etc.

In extreme cases, however, it may result to psychosis or even suicide.

What Steps Can One Take to Help Manage Anger and bad Temperament?

  • The best and first redemptive measure to employ when the paranormal feelings of anger trickle-in is to put up a good smile; then take a deep breath. This duo-strategy has been tested and trusted to be of immense capacity and essence in managing any kind of anger both spontaneous and tentative as it has a way of lightening and triggering some good impulses and positive vibes in you. It could also ignite some quick recollections of good memories that could immediately subvert the brooding ‘fire’ rising from within you. More so, engage positive self-talk and assertions.
  • Although expressing anger is better than keeping it in, anger should be expressed in an appropriate way. Frequent outbursts of anger are often counter-productive and cause problems in relationships with others. Anger outbursts are also stressful to your nervous and cardiovascular systems and can make health challenges deteriorate. Learning how to use assertiveness is the healthiest way to express your feelings, needs, and preferences. Being assertive can best suffice for anger in such situations.
  • Seek out the support of others. Find someone that’s intelligent, creative and motivating that could be your confidant and what I call ‘mood manager’. This is the person you can always soothe in when such seemingly uncontrollable moments surface. Talk through your feelings and try to work on changing your behaviors.
  • Another effective approach towards handling anger and bad temperament is taking a walk. Once you see yourself in troubled mood that could most likely result to provocation, leave the environment completely and take a walk. Before you walk past 400 yards, alongside environmental distractions, some bits of calmness must have began to position in.
  • Try to gain a different perspective by putting yourself in another’s place. Yes, before you get furious at any person, be it friend or marriage partner; first assume yourself to be such person and think of the trauma, devastation and emptiness your anger might cause them. With this in mind, you might soon begin to have reasons to reconsider your thought and actions.
  • Learn how to laugh at yourself and see humor in situations. This, more or less, sanguine approach has had tremendous and proven positive effects when applied.
  • Practice good listening skills. Listening can help improve communication and can facilitate trusting feelings between people. This trust can help you deal with potentially hostile emotions.
  • Learn to assert yourself, expressing your feelings calmly and directly without becoming defensive, hostile, or emotionally charged. Consult self-help books on assertiveness or seek help from a professional therapist to learn how to use assertiveness and anger management skills.


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