Compatibility is one of the key factors and foundation pillars of any relationship and must be determined, understood, planned, worked out and reviewed on daily basis in other to give a relationship good definition and lasting propelling energy. At any time couples find out there are some degrees of irreconcilable differences that bring about misunderstanding, crass, agitation, snubbing, heated arguments, hurting exchange of temperamental emotions and feelings, etc; just know that either one of them has began to go astray or an invisible knife has been put to their compatibility. At such points when things that were usually being overlooked and swept under the carpet now begins to mean and matter a lot; even causing unimaginable problems. The relationship develops crack from there and harmony could rarely be visible between them even in the shortest or longest term. The essential roles of compatibility can never be underestimated or over emphasized, hence we are dwelling much on it. Compatibility planning cushions for all other love deficiencies and stands in such times when the early flashes of the love bloom begins to douse down and fade away. Attraction, infatuation or love could bring any kind of partner your way but only compatibility plan – demonstrated in understanding, tolerance and mutual respect – that can retain them as long as you may desire, even for a lifetime. For compatibility plan to be meaningful and effective, following factors – amongst others – have to be observed and practiced with every breath you take.
Avoid Unnecessary Carryovers
When you fall in love, your “stuff” still moves with you between relationships. Some people call this personal baggage which includes your past wounds, hang-ups, habits, and patterns, heartbreaks, etc
Revisiting of emotional wounds of the past relationships could make one go so judgmental that they, most at times, build suspicion and pass judgments over their partner’s attitudes without proper investigation and inquiry even when they are innocent of such accusations. Old emotional scars can still rear their painful heads when you least expect them to, even when you think you’ve moved on.
Carrying over these kinds of emotional baggage most times lead to transfer of aggression and which could be harmful in a relationship. This can occur when one or both of the partners has(ve) so many things locked up in mind from the previous relationship and which might have caused them severe pains in the past. This will make them react violently any moment the partner does anything similar to that. This billows the regular perception and hair-weird saying by most people that “all men are the same” or “all women are the same”.
As you get to know someone new, learn to address and discard all former baggage and proceed on a new template. Sieve and be careful with the kind of issues you tend to carry from relationship to relationship. Once this continues to echo in your mind and you continue to transfer aggression, possible compatibility with the new partner could be practically impossible.
Your partner should also be aware of their own stuff and actively take steps toward dealing with them as well. It only takes one emotionally toxic person in a relationship to sabotage your connection.
A couple who are more grounded and stable can be there for each other and quickly address emotional triggers before they undermine the relationship.
Ability to Show Vulnerability and Responsiveness
Researchers have revealed that greater self-disclosure levels (being vulnerable and open to each other) predict higher passionate love ratings, especially when couples initially build passion or rebuild it. Higher levels of responsiveness (understanding and caring) between partners also precede greater levels of relationship satisfaction and passionate love. Women tend to self-disclose in relationships more easily, so when men self-disclose, levels of passionate love and balances are enhanced.
Try to spend quality time together in situations that provoke responsiveness and compassionate self-disclosure, such as camping in a remote location, going to games together or taking long walks.
No two people can be perfectly compatible, but the more you have things in common related to the important aspects of your relationship, the more likely it is that your connection will be stronger, healthier, and happier.
Leave the ideals at the back door, and in the romantic fog of new love, try to lift your head out of the clouds long enough to assess whether or not the two of you are truly a good match.
If you respond to one another’s love languages, share similar values, have a growth mindset, enjoy great vibes, and behave authentically and responsively to each other, then, you may have found that soul mate after all. Even after that initial infatuation fades, being compatible in these areas will strengthen your relationship, allowing it to endure over time.
Choices of Words and Expressions.
Some relationships have broken and become history simply because of some poorly addressed mannerisms in which one partner addressed the other. Words are strong and some expressions are better not used at all in a relationship but couples, especially men should understand that one of the basic ingredient of any successful relationship is being free with your partner and enjoying that freedom to the fullest both in word and actions – but with mutual respect.
We have seen instances whereby use of teasing expressions landed most relationships in shambles even when such was not meant to be an insult but just a mere joke – especially while having playful kinds of partners. If your partner cannot be free with you in expressing themselves, then there is no one that could be suitable for such. This remains one of the highest points of emotional molestation and bondage one can be subjected to. Couples should not, however take advantage of the freedom they enjoy to abuse one another, both in words and actions.
A word can mean one thing and yet interpreted to mean so many things but understanding would solve the whole mess and save the whole situation. Once you can accommodate the freedom your partner enjoys with and in you, that is the highest gift you can give them. This is what it means, feeling “at-home” with your “soulmate”. Couples should get attuned to studying each other, knowing the temperament and different moods of each other – knowing when to say certain things and when to restrain. Certain words and expressions said and laughed over at certain time could be said at other times and become problem. Couples should be sensitive enough to notice such moments and apologize as when due.
To be Cont’d…