It’s easy to believe that your relationship is different from everyone else’s. It’s probably not.
Relationships take effort to maintain, and you may not always be happy with your partner.
Even if you love each other and yet have fundamentally different values, a breakup may be underway.
Everyone knows relationships are hard, and take energy and much effort and sacrifice to maintain, and sometimes with disappointment.
Listed, below, are some of the truest but hardest-to-accept insights about modern romance. If you can get past these somewhat unsettling ideas, you’ll be more likely to have a happy and fulfilling relationship.
Relationship can hardly work if you and your partner have different values
Values are different from interests. If you are the type that always like going to football games and your partner doesn’t, you can probably find a friend to go with you instead.
But if you’re interested in earning more money and status and your partner doesn’t care, that could be a problem.
Potential couples should always work to benchmark more on the importance of shared values and interests before sinking into the pool of deeper relationship commitments.
It is highly recommended for couples having an explicit discussion about core values with each other before getting married, or deciding to be together long term. You’ll want to cover values around children, money, and religion — and whatever else is important to you but the plain truth is that If you have divergent and different personalities traits, opinion and ideas of what’s right and wrong, and what you want to do and what you don’t want to do right at the very beginning, well the hard truth is that it’s not going to get better. It must definitely go downhill because frequent disagreement would be imminent.
Sometimes you will be miserable in your relationship
Total happiness is hard to come by — in life and especially in a relationship.
It is also very certain that too many people have developed these delusional expectations for relationships and marriage.
Couples who are getting ready to walk down the aisle should know — and really know — that it will, at times, be hard, and not always flamboyant. That there would be times when one or both of them want out and can barely stand the sight of each other. That they’ll be bored, then frustrated, angry, and perhaps resentful.
Be it known to you, however, that all of these things are normal and things would definitely fall back to shape with time – provided no one takes advantage of the other’s weak point.
Most people have unrealistic expectations for their relationship
Most people have unreasonably high expectations for romance.
Love life and relationship is not always like those presented in Hollywood, Bollywood, Nollywood and other movie houses. This is, however one of the capital and fundamental problems with the 21st century perception of love, relationship and romance. Most people try to copy and live out what they see in the movies and always expect their partners to be as such not knowing that it wasn’t even easy for those actors to memorize those verses and act them out in the screen. Try and understand the difference between what was artificially conjoined and acted just to entertain and when real couples are digging it out life on normal day life – true story. All those artificial presentations are not truly same in the reality of life. Again, copy less of other people’s artificial lifestyles and observe and imitate more their natural core values.
As for sex, too many people expect multiple orgasms or think that “a man can have an erection like you see in sexually explicit movies.”
That’s why it’s important for both couples to be sexually literate and to temper each other’s expectations about what their relationship can really bring.
Passion may wax and wane in your relationship
You and your partner may not always get along in all things like you did in the early stages of your relationship. The key is not to freak out.
One age long-standing truth about relationships is that the decline of passion in a relationship is perfectly normal — and that you can lure it back.
One strategy is to schedule sex; another is to try a new and exciting activity together. Above all, try to be patient while you work on things to fall back to shape and remain optimistic as you do so.
You and your partner may not always be compatible
Here’s a scary truth: The person you’re happy with today may not be the person you’ll be happy with forever.
Even if you achieve compatibility in the marriage, there’s no guarantee that that compatibility will remain strong over time.”
The real question is whether you’re planning to try to make the relationship work regardless of how you both change. Your answer is as good as mine.
You’re more likely to get along if you’re less stressed.
Men who are daily subjected to different kinds, categories and level of mental and physical stress are more likely to be easily agitated, harsh, less friendly and more prone to anger than those who are mildly stressed. This is more conspicuous if despite the whole stress and tedious outings, he still earns less than anticipated amidst several outstanding obligations and responsibilities.
It’s really difficult to have a productive, happy marriage when your life circumstances are so stressful and when your day-to-day life involves, say three or four bus routes in order to get to your job or working under a harsh boss
It is therefore expected that the female partners of these classes of men should try to understand them more rather than struggle with words and actions with them. Always work to calm him down as you also encourage him to try something new which could change his condition for better. Be to him a friend, a wife, a mother, a sister, a confidant, a counselor and not his contender.
Men should also work on their mind and temperament and learn to follow thing calmly and calculatively rather than transferring aggression and inflicting pains and restlessness on people around them.
Even relationship experts struggle with conflict in their own relationships and marriages
You can write dozens of books and articles on the science of relationships; you can be a couple’s counselor; you can train in couple’s therapy yourself. And still, you may occasionally run into conflict with your own partner.
One, out of curiosity, could also ask at this point why we still have divorcees who are relationship and marriage counselors and experts. The truth is: nothing is cast in stone in life except truth – once spoken; it is everlasting irrespective of whomever it pleases or displeases. One tactics which you’ve tried several times and in several ways in your own relationship and it failed woefully might be same tip you will apply on another couples problems and they will come back with glaring positive testimonies. What works for one might and must not work for another. But the basic issue here is that wives or husbands of relationship experts, counselors and therapists are always at peak expectation of that perfection not calling to mind that those gaps in-between the five fingers were deliberately there so that another five fingers can come and fit-in in other to make a fist. Perfection is more inward than outward as human factors would always play down their own roles. What, however, makes you whom and what you are and different from every other is how you handled it later on.