Advice to Married Couples – Tales from Experience.
An old man once visited his daughter and her husband and this life-story transpired between them. He grinned when he saw his daughter, and the husband walked into the house. The old man, was on one of his rare visits to his daughter and in-law. He had to succumb after several pleas and persuasions from his in-law to move from the confines of Ota to Lagos to spend the Easter Holidays. This in-law believed he needed to comfort the old man from loneliness after his wife’s demise some months past.
After dinner that evening, he whispered to his son in law that if they don’t mind, he would love to have a quick word with the couple after the children have gone to bed.
At 9pm, the couple was back to the dinner table to hear what the old man had to say.
He started by asking them a simple question “What is the most important thing in your life Adunni ? She replied, “Daddy, it is the kids o! They mean everything to me”. He then turned and asked Kehinde , the son-in-law the same question, he also beaming with pride said :”It is the kids of course; they are the reason why I work so hard to ensure they have a better life”
Uncle Tunde replied well said my children, I don’t mean to intrude on how to run your family life, but I believe there is a fundamental error you would need to correct. He said “I have observed how much you both love your kids and dedicate all your time for them.
Forgive me if I have eavesdropped a couple of times, but doesn’t all your conversation bother mostly on the kids? The couple stared sheepishly in admission to the assertion.
He continued, I am a poultry farmer, and the biggest egg supplier in my district. I make my money by the quantity of eggs sold. That said, my priority has always been providing optimal care for the chicken. …because I know that when the chicken are healthy and productive, the eggs will come automatically and will be bountiful. If I start to ignore the chicken, the eggs will also suffer.
He pointed to Kehinde and said, “As a husband, the most important person in your life should be your wife and vice versa. It cannot be the kids. They are just products of the marriage. If you learn to take care of each other very well, your kids would grow up healthy, strong and successful, but if you ignore each other, brace yourself up for dysfunctional kids in the future.
The two of you are the foundation of this family. If you suffer any form of crack, the whole house will go down. So please make time for yourself and treat each other as VIPs and the kids will be just fine.
This has been the secret of the fruitful union between your mum and I for over 50 years till death took her from me. The old man couldn’t help it but began to shed tears at this stage. He thanked the couple for their time and excused himself to his room…
A true life story a lifelong lesson. How much do we, most of the times, prioritize the kids and other ancillary things over the main foundation- which of course is the couples themselves. Paying attentions to the kids’ assignments all through the night and rushing up to bed as soon as they also sleep off. No time again to rub minds, familiarize more and build stronger intimacy thereby becoming strangers to one another gradually each day with every event that goes wrong or bad. Placing no/less emphasis on conflict resolution and love building…piling and accumulating issues and grudges in mind rather than taking good time to trash and resolve them once and for all. All these can make or mar your home and I am sure most married couples can identify with this story, where the focus shifts 100% to the kids and barely have time for each other. They later are amazed they lose the magic connection between them. If care is not taken, those connection needs gets outsourced, thereby opening up your marriage to all sorts of strange elements and even divorce.
Let your kids know and feel that your spouse means the world to you and if you are to choose between them and your spouse, it will always be your spouse. ALWAYS CREATE GOOD TIME AND ATTENTION FOR YOUR SPOUSE…IT MEANS AND MATTERS A LOT.
Give the kids the love and attention they deserve but not at the expense of each other. You are the real deal. It is your marriage that will sustain your kids, not vice versa. The kids are just bonus and special gifts from God!!! You are only a guardian unto the kids for their real parent is the God who made them to solve a problem on earth.
We all need major changes in our marriage and family life. Love is the foundation upon which marriage flourishes and kids get fulfilled.